Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
