Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
