so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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