So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
