Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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