His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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