No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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