Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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