normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize