Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
