I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The air was thick with penises
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
