4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
