i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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