Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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