I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
please don't ironically join a cult
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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