So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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