The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize