and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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