there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
