I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Boobs speak an international language.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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