Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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