you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
