Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
