I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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