As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
