life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We have so much sex to catch up on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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