you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
