I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
