you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
