I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
