I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
