Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
