apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
