I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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