Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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