Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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