WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You are the jesus of drinking
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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