wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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