no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
