it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
