i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
