Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
