...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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