he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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