Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
