I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
3 2 1 whiskey
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
