You just made me feel so damn special
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
