We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Randomize
