so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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