he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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