fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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