Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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