Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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