I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
