yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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