I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
