I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
