ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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