no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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