There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
