Ambien. No doubt about it.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
