listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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