even my farts smell like vagina
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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