like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
