haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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