The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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