So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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