the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
