his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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