ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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