i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
