The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
