Kiss
Puke
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
