here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
