if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize